Tuesday, August 2, 2011

To have baby or not to have baby (yet)? THAT is the Question.

*BIG SIGH* Not sure how to handle this one. There are sooo many things that I am doing in life, and I feel that now is not the time to have another baby. ALTHOUGH, it was on my goals' list to get pregnant at the end of this summer, my life has changed a bit and I am thinking that I just might postpone that idea until next year. I know my reasons are somewhat selfish, and...I am OK with that. Well, here's what I've been up to, lately...

I am SUPER excited about way of eating! I have always loved my salads, fruits, and meats. So, eating the "Primal" way is not that hard for me. It's getting my sweet-tooth, bread-loving, popcorn-eating husband on board that is making it the most difficult for me. My girls will eat what is in the house. So when Daddy buys a lot of stuff I am trying to get rid of back in the house, it proves to be a little bit more of a challenge. So, I am starting them off small, buy asking that we go gluten-free this month. And then, next month, little no grains. We'll see how they do after those months. Other than, that, is been really great having so much energy and feeling pretty even keel with my emotions. I never realized the negative effect gluten had on me until I stopped consuming it. The added bonus of inches lost is awesome! I like eating Primal because I am listening to what my body (NOT mind or taste buds) wants to nourish itself with. No strict diet. No stress about eating when I am not hungry. Just a consistent effort in giving my body quality food that fuels it correctly!

Since eating this way I have A LOT more ENERGY than I have had in YEARS!! I find that if I don't get it out daily it builds up until I have no choice but to let it out with random karate kicks and keep-away-games with my children while walking through IKEA. (YES! I really did this in the IKEA in Tempe, AZ. My Mom, Daughters, and 2 Sisters are my witnesses of said behavior.) *RANDOMNESS: But I totally saw and made eye contact with Frankie Munez (Malcolm in the Middle star) twice while at that Ikea! Crazy, HUH?? :END OF RANDOMNESS*

Moving slowly but often is totally doable exercise for me. With the occasional heavy lifting, I am always trying to organize and clean things in my house so lifting heavy things is a definite occurrence in my life. Since, I like to push the envelope of being places on time, I find myself sprinting every now and again to make up for the lost time lolly-gagging around.

THE MASTERY OF LOVE by Don Miguel Ruiz
Along with the living the Primal way of life I have been reading/listening to the Mastery of LOVE. My life doesn't seem so difficult or overwhelming like it did before. I am constantly trying to live my life making decisions that are NOT based in fear. I have spent about 80% of my adult life making decisions out of fear. I was afraid to ask too many questions. I was afraid that I wasn't doing enough by others standards. I was afraid of being talked about. I was afraid of being rejected. I was a ball full of fear of whatever...you name it I was fearful of it! REALLY! And the sad part was that I wasn't even AWARE that I was living with SO MUCH FEAR! Living a life FULL of fear started to make me more and more uncomfortable with myself and others. After listening to The 4 Agreements and The Mastery of LOVE (My Favorite) I decided it was high time to change my thought and decision making process! I am dedicating my 30's to be genuine with all things in my life. So, naturally, letting go of the FEAR has helped allow a more genuine, Gairyn, come out and play. I LOVE how I feel about myself and about life! It is definitely a daily task to remember to NOT make fear-based decisions, because so much of my life has been dedicated that way of thinking. So, it is a process. There is such and lightness in life and a freedom that I feel, and a joy that has come with this simple step. I notice that when I find myself unhappy lately, I can usually trace back my steps of decisions I made and what state I was in when I made them. It's very interesting to see how those negative, fearful decisions directly correlate with my unhappiness. I used to frequently double book myself because I was afraid to let anyone down by telling them, "No." In letting go of that one fear, I have freed myself of not only the guilt that plagued me into saying, "yes", but also the mess of the schedule juggling, and my time! It has allowed me to be more sincere with those I associate with, well most of the time;)

I am almost done with my chiropractic constant care!! I started getting adjusted regularly in Feb. of this year. One of the BEST things that I have done for myself, EVER!! I used to have really great posture when I was young. Then, puberty hit, not a big deal...still good posture. When I moved to NZ a girl that didn't like me made fun of me and rudely said, "Eh...Are trying to get all the boys to stare at you by sticking your chest out so far?!" Of course, I was the "American girl". (Not a good term in some circles. Some thought me arrogant because I was American, until they got to know me.). Being the new girl once again in another school, I was totally out of my comfort zone, very insecure, and very vulnerable to ridicule. I took that unkind remark as a hint to "hide" my womanly chest as much as I could. Cue in BAD posture!

After hair school, my upperback was SOO tight and lowerback started to have a consistent pain. I did not want to have to end my hair career before it even began due to back problems. So to the Chiropractor I went. Location is EVERYTHING to me! I do not like traveling far if I don't have to. (Especially in the snow!) Joseph found this great Dr. down the road on 800 N. Out of all of the chiropractors I have been to he understood and explained the body and the importance of good posture and spinal/bone/body alignment better than them all!! It was hard for me to drag myself into the office 3 times a week in the beginning. And YES, I would go in asking myself, "Is this REALLY necessary. It's so annoying." Being annoyed by having to come in to the office wasn't uncommon. But...EVERY TIME I left his office I felt like my bones inside body had been given a big hug. I almost ALWAYS leave feeling so much better. And the rare occasions that I would leave still feeling a little disjointed, he'd tell me to come back in to work on readjusting it again. I would mention, that I did something to my shoulder, badda-bing, badda-boom, he adjusts it back into place. I mention my knees, he adjusted those. I mention my feet hurting more than usual, he's down at my feet adjusting them!! He adjusts my jaw, thumb, and even my elbow, once. He's AWESOME!!

I really want to work in the hair industry and get a feel for it for at least a year before I have another baby! All bets are off on how dependable I can be when I am pregnant, and while baby is young. So yeah...it would be nice to understand more of how I want to integrate my cosmo license in my life by working at a salon full time for a while.

With all of these great and positive things happening in my life, I am feeling sooo much better than I have felt in a very, very long time. My body is healthy and feels great! My emotions and mind are even keel and clear. I am excited to go back into the workforce! AND This year I am going to start taking ballroom dancing lessons. Hopefully with my husband, but if he doesn't come, I am still there!! So...these are my reasons for not really wanting to jump into having another baby just quite yet! Yes, it may seem selfish, but like I said before. I am OK with that!

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